The fact that I am picking up this blog about three and a half years later is pretty revealing of the pace of my life over the last few years. It has been BUSY! Can anyone relate? How is your list of “to do things”? Is it getting longer, and harder to catch up with? Yeah, I’m right there with you! LIfe can easily get overwhelming as you get older and everything complexifies: kids, bigger jobs, house, responsibilities, inflation, health issues… and before you know it, you are caught in the rat race, just going through the motions and trying to survive, wondering how the heck you got here.
I have seen that countless time, whether through my practice, or by talking with friends, parents I meet at my kids’ school… “This is not what I imagined”, they say. And unless you do something about it, your dreams could slowly become vague remembrances of a time much simpler, much easier, when you were much younger and carefree.
I have been blessed, in my last few very busy years, to be surrounded by a growing community of wonderful friends, all different, all inspiring and encouraging. I have read quite a few blogs that have also inspired me and made me dream. And little by little, I have started to recognize growing dreams and desires within myself, which have then been recognized and affirmed by those wonderful people in my life who know me well and love me well. I feel like I am slowly emerging from a season of pregnancy and early motherhood where there wasn’t room for much else than work and my family. And in this new season, things are stirring within me. I still don’t have enough time for everything, and I actually feel like I am busier than when the kids were babies, but I guess I have more mental space, and this thing within me that is growing, these dreams, these aspirations, I don’t want to loose them.
The frustrating part about this is that I have all these ideas, all this creative energy, and I don’t know when in the world I could possibly learn all these new skills and create all these projects. So I started a bucket list. My first bucket list was prompted by a blog I read a couple years ago. I thought I’d try it. And wrote about 10 items on it, and then stalled. I couldn’t think of what to dream about.
At the beginning of this year, a conversation prompted me to start a new one. I wrote it, then left it. In the past few weeks, I’ve realized that I wanted to add more things to it. And I’ve also realized the importance of writing things that are doable now, today, tomorrow, on my bucket list. Not just “climb the Everest” kind of items, but also things like “take a bollywood dance class” or “take my kids to such and such museum” or “cook a raw meal”… things I can actually do in the next 6 months and cross off my list. Imagine that!
So here I am, writing on my blog again, because wonderful people in my life have encouraged me to write, recognizing my love for words and abitlity, I guess, to express my feelings through that channel. And guess what? That’s one of the items I get to cross off my list TODAY. Although I do want to challenge myself to write regularly. Once a month at least, perhaps once a week?
And dare I encourage you to take a moment in your busy life and ask yourself what you would like to do before you die? Things you’d love to see, skills you’d want to learn, tasks you want to accomplish, challenges to overcome? Ways you want to nurture your relationships? Let your mind wander, and then come back to that list once in a while, and see if anything stirs up in you. Sometimes, synchronicity brings it all together. You feel something within yourself, and all of a sudden it feels like everything around you tells you loud and clear to go with it. As Paulo Coelho says, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
My girlfriend reminded me yesterday that when God/the Universe puts a dream in your heart, if you don’t pursue it, He will give that dream to someone else. The dream may not stay if you don’t pay attention to it. So pay attention, and leave a trace, somewhere on that bucket list, knowing that even if the time is not right for now, there is a little space somewhere for that dream to linger and grow, until you are ready to go chase it.